Mrs. Kravitz Knows...

When I first purchased a home it was a big decision, and a huge commitment. I decided to embark on home ownership, and leave the city that doesn't sleep, so that I can. The quiet life appealed to me along with the gorgeous backdrop of  New York City  across the Hudson. Wow. I found my Zen. I didn't need  to hear anything  else to close the deal. Sold! I couldn't wait for the serenity of the suburbs  with no stress, drama, and peace. Well, so much for that... Living in an apartment is difficult to achieve privacy 24/7. We are all creatures of habit, and have a routine we usually keep to. In my Co-op, The morning is filled with the usual barking dogs, loud garbage trucks,  apartment doors opening and closing as we all get ready for the day. This is typical and not unusual of daily life, and was quite comforting at the same time. The building across the way has terraces that apparently have an all you can talk fest of a woman yelling at her fictitious boyfriend for 2 hours straight. I began to unwind from my long day, nestled in bed with my self-help books, and leopard PJ'S. When the sun goes down, I quickly learned that things DO go bump in the night. I begin to hear a smorgasbord of different sex noises which reminded me of an episode of OZ or perhaps it was a couple of  screaming howler monkeys  from the Tanzania Zoo. I will never know for sure, but I do know evenings will never be the same at my co-op. As day breaks, I roll the covers back with my crucifix tightly clenched in my chest branding me as if I was a piece of meat at the butcher.  I try to process the  evenings "Festivities" that woke me from my deep REM sleep. I go about my morning no longer feeling the serenity of my surroundings, and more like I bought shares  in a "Bunny Ranch". I also learned another truth about apartment living. There is always a neighbor that has the 411 on you, or anyone else for that matter. You may not recognize the name at first, but we all have a little of her in all of us. Her name is Mrs. Kravitz. She was a character in the 60's sitcom Bewitched. She was the nosy neighbor  who knew best for peeking out her window spying on everyone's business. We loved her unknowing charm and determination to alert the neighborhood about people's indiscretions. I guess in today's world, one might call her a Yenta, which is Yiddish for busybody. In our building she was the Grand Marshal who knew everything. That particular morning, she marched right up to me as I was leaving the building. "Did you hear the news, " she yelled you're There was a disturbed woman who didn't belong here running up and down the stairs yelling obscenities. She was half NUDE! I think she's a lady of the night, if you know what I mean? She began to add, "I know what kind of element lives on that particular floor". Yelled your I was ambushed with this information, I thought, this doesn't surprise me. This is Jersey after all. I have to admit, It was sometimes difficult to turn a blind eye in the complex. The summer months in particular, at the complex pool have been often a haven for gossip, and saucy information. Our particular co-op was often called " Melrose Place" because of the amount of the resident interludes that frequently  took place. It was sort of an underground clandestine army. You think you're safe from exposure, but have no fear Mrs. Kravitz has the 411 on it all. There is never a lack of entertainment and drama to say the least. My apartment complex wouldn't have character if a random night there weren't 10 bottles of Pinot Grigio (family size) empty bottles in the hallway garbage dispenser, or a crazy one night stand running up and down the stairs, or neighbors having prison sex, and X-Box is vibrating through the walls like Lowes Cineplex Theater. The list can go on and on. The bottom line is, the walls are thin and we do live in apartments. I think Mrs. Kravitz has rubbed off on me a bit. So I'm afraid she lives in all of us, and every building has one. It's lucky for her a recession will not affect her business. There will always be something to report. Stay tuned...